The American theme song – or “national anthem” – is as out of date as the electoral college. It’s ponderously slow-paced. It’s obnoxiously bombastic. Nobody even shoots missiles at the White House anymore, so why do we have to hear about them when I just want to watch a baseball?
If we were a nation of patriots instead of cheese-sniveling chihuahua-walkers, the following are what we’d enshrine as our musical signatures.
“The KKK Took My Baby Away” – The Ramones
Punk music is the epitome of American culture: it’s loud, brash, and actually originally British. How better to bring our country to the 21st century than to play “The KKK Took My Baby Away” every time Barack Obama ascends a podium? Wouldn’t you feel proud?
This song has every modern thing that “The Star-Spangled Banner” doesn’t. It has guitars. It has a chorus. It has an actual acknowledgement of our nation’s neck deep involvement in white supremacist violence. Suck on that, Francis Scott Key.Keep Reading