My environmental science professor in college was not quite a Nazi.
He groused, like a fundie preacher pushing Jesus, that the people didn’t accept environmentalism into their hearts and live in accordance with the pillars of the faith. He championed ridiculous causes and social solutions – rent panes of glass instead of owning windows! grow a carpet by planting grass on old tires in your living room! – which, despite being unpopular (and sometimes physically impossible) he considered environmentally sacrosanct. When a smart, no-nonsense environmental journalist from the New York Times (!) came to school to talk about the right way to advocate policy, recommending compromise and step-by-step incremental victories, he called her out as a non-believer. As a no-good realist.
He was an ass. (Thank god I changed my major.) But he wasn’t really a Nazi, was he? It’s not like he shot anyone, or bombed St. Paul’s, or was killed in a Tarantino movie. Only an idiot would call him a Nazi.
An idiot, or the writers for the American Thinker.
In a series of articles all about the secret history of environmentalism, AT reveals that, in fact, all environmentalists are Nazis! This is because the National Socialist German Workers’ Party, in addition to being a right-wing genocidal clusterfuck, was environmentalist. Worse, these Nazis are on the rebound: proponents of “Neo-Nazi New Age environmentalism,” led by Fuhrer Obama, are burning down this country as we speak!
How does American Thinker take the root fact that the Nazis were environmentalists and transform it into the modern Neo-Nazi environmental agenda?
“One of the most embarrassing environmental facts of the 1930s,” we are told, “was that between 60% and 70% of the German greens were Nazi Party members.” (A sin that will haunt everybody who owns solar panels forever.) “A fascist blending of anthropology, Social Darwinism, romanticism, existentialism, environmentalism and science, was in fact, the very ideological bread and butter of National Socialism.” There you have it. Trees, not racism, were the basis of Hitler’s Reich.
Despite the efforts of our soldiers in the last good war, Nazis kept on promoting their evil brand of liberal kitsch. “The global warming apocalypse was first popularized by Austrian Nazi Guenther Schwab in the 1960’s, but it was the German green movement in the 1980’s that helped convert the theory into the worldwide political issue it has since become.” The Nazis also invented climate change! From the grave! Damn their nefarious powers. Why hasn’t Captain American shown up to lead the fight against wind farms? Where has Obama hidden him?!
Even today, a forgotten foe rises again from the center of this Axis of Evil to challenge us: “While the Nazi past has been completely ignored and willfully forgotten in the development of the EU’s environmental sustainability policies, the geopolitical epicenter of the green movement has been and continues to be: Germany.” You just can’t keep a good Nazi, down, can you? Germany’s position at the forefront of environmentalism, its huge investments in solar and wind, its refusal to employ nuclear energy: these are the forms that modern Nazism takes. These are morally equivalent to invading Poland.
And scattered through these articles like shipwrecks in soft, stupid mud are abridged biographies of notable Nazis, each one ending with a damning link to the Devil Science. Charles Lindbergh, Nazi sympathizer during “the green salad days of National Socialism,” was an outspoken environmentalist in the ‘60s. Leni Riefenstahl, propagandist filmmaker for the Nazis, committed her greatest crime in 1993: joining Greenpeace.
Like an upside-down pyramid, all these articles balance catastrophically on one miniscule, almost insignificant kernel of a good point: the Nazis did originally popularize environmentalism. It was, in fact, a cornerstone of Hitler’s demented dreams, along with tanks, invasions, ethnic cleansing, and big car companies. He and his envisioned a return to nature, to farming, to pastoral majesty: the Third Reich was to be a golden idyll, with buxom farmers and ruddy-faced children frolicking together as a family in golden fields – and nary a Jew, a queer, a black, a Pole, or a Communist in sight. A bit like the Reagan dream, but with trees instead of strip malls.
And anyways, so what? The Nazis also passed the first laws protecting animal rights. Do I have to shoot horses to make sure I’m not a Nazi?
Hitler worshipped as a Catholic. Is Pope Francis a Nazi?
The science of anthropology was first conceived of in the 1800s to prove the superiority of white people. Was Zora Neale Hurston a white supremacist?
America’s founding fathers owned slaves. Was the moon landing pro-slavery?
American Thinker’s agenda is a simple one: to rebrand the Nazis, widely accepted to be “bad,” as liberals. In a bizarre aside from left field about how James Cameron’s Titanic is based on Nazi environmentalism, they assert that “James Cameron loathes the mythical Hitler of the modern leftist imagination that trumpets the Nazis as an extreme right wing movement thanks to 80 years of Marxist and Socialist propaganda.” We are expected to understand that the Third Reich was somehow attributable, like most of our ills, to Jimmy Carter. He is the implied heir of Hitler.
The Nazis were nice to dogs and trees, yes. They were kind of obsessed with mountain climbing, and also the occult, and with making well-built cars affordable for the common man. But remember what defined them: conquest and genocide. Remember why they caused world-wide outrage: invading France, exterminating villages. Remember that the Nazis really were, above all else, intolerant, racist, and exuberantly right-wing – just like the good people at American Thinker.
And hope, despite the trends of our benighted times, that American political thought will never become so radical as to mimic them.
As always, we end with a secular humanist prayer:
“Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them. Fuck that shit.” (Empahsis added.)
– George Orwell; may he shoot all Nazis like they’re elephants in Burma. Amen.
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