Chairman Seku Brings the Revolution

The revolution has come to Denver, Colorado. Finally, the driest and most boring city in the world has its answer to civil rights legends like Huey Newton and “The Rent Is Too Damn High” guy: Chairman Brother Seku.

Seen here on the campaign trail:

That’s old video. Now Seku has set his sights higher than city council and is running for mayor!

In his official video, he tells us that the voters demand a new type of “kindness, one who finds its self-expression in the vision quest of the twenty-first century renaissance of the wild wild west city of Denver” and promises to “critically think like a man and woman of positive actions.” You should watch it; it’s like staring into the sun.

You might also want to check out his official bio. There, Brother Seku attracts voters with some kind of Satanic chant:

ChairMan SeKu`is TruLy  BlesSed and a HighLy FaVoRite sOn of CoLoRaDo…A TrusTed and HumBle SerVanT of da MasSes of da Peoplez’…PeRiOd. Red D 4 da ReVoLuTion!~ChairMan SeKu

Or read this interview where he talks about his multiple unjust expulsions from MetroState University Denver, one of which he claims was for trying to choke the Vice-President of Student Affairs to death as punishment for using a racial slur.

If you’re wondering why our mayoral candidate often calls himself “Chairman Seku” (like Mao!), it’s because he is indeed the CEO of several different businesses, all of which have the same name and fewer than 6 employees. There’s BLACK STARZ INTERNATIONAL ACTIONZ MOVEMENT-4-SELF~DEFENZE, LLC., a self-defense school. Also BLACK STARZ INTERNATIONAL SPORTZ, INC., listed as a sporting goods company; BlacK Starz International Florist and Design Inc.,where he presumably teaches flowers to throw off the chains of racist capitalism; and BLACK STARZ ACTION MOVEMENT, a company which he mentions but does not explain and probably never will. The address listed for all these entrepreneurial movements is a residential house near Martin Luther King, Jr. boulevard.

Chairman Seku’s main campaign issues are helping the homeless with stable housing, protecting felons from the prison-industrial complex, and ending police brutality through open carry laws/more guns in the ghetto. What chances does he have of winning enough votes to transform Denver into Black Starz HoboLife ACTION UTOPIA?

None whatsoever. As proud citizens of a smug middle-class kale-based democracy, folks here may vote for a poor man, they may vote for a black man, but they won’t get within 100 feet of a poor black man. Especially not one who capitalizes too ebulliently.